I don't know  what I'm doing I think I'm mentally handicaped . I can't seem to realise  how hopeless my situation is.... If I don't change something on this situation I'm going to have to endure something very painfull ... Why I'm I suffering so much.   What is the reason....

hot day thoughts

I am disgusting... but on the other hand I keep accusing the world of being disgusting... they are disgusting and nausious , foul and repellent but I am not ....what a fool. H. is such a fool. He is an idiot . He must be thrown off the cliff right now.... he deserves nothing but a slap in the face. That would hurt though, but I hate myself to such a degree. Lets say I don't appreciate pain. but I want to endmy life painlessly , something like a combination of three chemicals would be great , you just feel nothing but a sedative effect and then you cease to exist . Isn't that great. After the procedure it's all over and you don't have to suffer anymore . that is fantastic . It is also sad but also great... it sick but also good ... it is depressing but also a new beginning

very Hot day

I don't what to do . I feel like shit . Two candles are lighting the room . My bowels are telling me to go to the Bathroom. I can hear D. She is moving

I don't what to do. I feel like shit. She wants to go to bed . She is opening her bed right now.... I still feel like shit ….everything makes me want to throw up....its sickening. Everything around me is purely disgusting and makes me feel ill … I want to throw myself out of the Balcony …. I deserve no life I am bankrupt . I have no money I keep asking money from people or take their money without asking... I'm desperate... I don't think I will survive any longer. … I want to die now

I hate myself . I hate D. . I hate my room. I hate everybody I hate blogs . I hate computers . I hate every little thing that exists in this world. I want to die , because I'm broke . I don't have any money yet I go and buy stuff, and spend my time eating in restaurants , from other people money. What a shame …. I should die from shame for waht I am doing is grave. Now D. Comes I can hear her teaspoon making sounds. She is going to travel to Saxony to day . First she is going to take the train to Leisnig and there she is going to be meeting her parents who came there from Freiburg to attend the burrial of a relative who died shortly. And then they would head alltogether to Duisburg in NRW with her Father's car, a journay of more than 570 Km in this hot sommer day without air conditioning. So to think about that, is giving her hard time, but she thinks that would make her save money compared to travelling directy with the train from Berin to Duisburg.... She said that , she got a call from her brother advising her on the matter .

She is going to go for a week . That means I'll have a break from for a week . Life with her is not simple as one would think. She is understanding and everything , but I am very suspicious of her and she is suspicious of me she doesn't trust me , I don't trust her . We don't trust eachother. So from that pespective is this realtionship no good, and would only damge us both and lead up to mutual hat between . That could become an ugly chapter in our lives. So lets just end the whole thing right now.

Heute lebe ich in Berlin.....Heute schneit es in Berlin... Ich weiß nicht wo Doro ist . Das macht mir Sorge . Kann es sein , dass sie von mir satt geworden ist. Oder was könnte

daran schuld

Hallo....ich weiß nicht was los ist mit mir ....ich habe angst ....ich bin jetzt 29 geworden ...und ich habe kein Abschluss....warum nur?
das weiß ich nicht....was könnte der Grund sein ....ich habe keine Abschluss, weil ich schlicht und ergreifend ein Versager bin . Osama ist fortgekommen, im gegesatz zu mir, er ist erfolgreich und populär . Ich aber ist immer noch der Versager den ich bin ...ich werde immer ein Versager bleiben bis ich sterbe...es wird nicht besser sondern schlimmer ....Es wird schlimmer....alles wird schlimmer ....und ich bin daran schuld

شماتة الناس

أدري ما هو علي أن اعمله . لقد فقدت الكثير والله. ولكن عليك ان لا تكذب , كن صادقا
لماذا يحدث هذا فيني ياشماتة الناس فيني والله

واحد طفشان

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله

اما بعد فأني اريد ان ابلغكم بأنني هنا في المانيا , قاعدُ وحدي في غرفتي التي هي في منزلي الذي هو في مدينتي.

ضابحُ ,لا أدري كيف أحرك نفسي. وكيف أنهض للقيام بأعمالي اليوميه.ء